This one is just for me.

Its amazing what the ocean can do. It has healing properties and you don’t even need to step into it to feel them. There is a quote from Moby Dick, “Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; … then, I account it high time to get to the sea soon as I can.” I think Herman Melville was up to something. 

Today, I very much felt like it was a damp, drizzly November in my soul. I felt alone, tired, stuck and helpless. I felt a pull from the Lord and followed like a puppy. I ended up at the ocean. 

I currently sit in a white painted beach chair, wind whipping through my hair, staring at the waves break. When I first got out of my car, I felt the breeze wash my face clean of the tears and sadness. I felt clarity wash over me like a bucket being dumped from above. I walked in and bought a soda, the bartender said it might not be a good day for the beach, it is really windy. The wind was just what I wanted. As the palm trees wiggle and the sun slips in and out from behind the clouds I feel my forehead loosen, I feel my soul being cleansed. With each gush of wind that blows through, I feel as though the Lord is breathing breath into my lungs like He did the moment I was born. 

Usually I try to write blogs that have lessons or cultural significance. This one is just for me. Just a way to put to words what the Lord did for me today. The burden He pulled off my shoulders. I felt like a woman walking with a huge bucket full of water on her head. Today, God reached down and plucked the bucket off my head and put it in my hand. He then grabbed the handle, for us to carry it together. Hand in hand, sharing the burden of the weight. 

Haiti is hard. Sometimes I hate Haiti. There are days I want to run home and curl up in a ball and stay there. Sometimes I just want to get out of this culture. I want to get out of the dust and away from the garbage in the streets. I want to hide from people asking me for things. I want to hide from people who have desperate needs. To hide from things that physically exhaust me, as well as those that emotionally tear me apart. But I have learned when these days come, follow God like a puppy and He will lead you to the beauty.

He leads me to a rooftop under the greatest amount of stars I have ever seen. He leads me to a cool breeze on a oppressively hot day. He sends a child with a flower handpicked for my hair. He leads me to familiar faces. He leads me to the beach. 

When I feel alone, sometimes I just need to reset, recalibrate. Thats what I needed today. I needed the ocean water to wash my tears away, so I could shake off the sand and start over. Everyday is a new day, they can’t all be amazing. However I have learned that they can all be filled with God’s healing, with God’s cleansing. 

God never abandons us. I felt abandoned today, but then I remembered He gave me the ocean. It is amazing what the ocean can do. It has healing properties and you don’t even need to stop into it to feel them.